Real-life lessons from 15 years of love, loss, parenting, and adventure
What makes a relationship last through chaos, heartbreak, and change?
Over the past 15 years, my husband and I have…
- Had 4 incredible children (and lost one)
- Navigated grief, illness, and career changes
- Run two businesses together
- Travelled full-time as a family
- Lived on a small boat
- Moved homes more times than we can count
- Had seasons of financial struggle and seasons of abundance
- Home educated our kids while building a life on our own terms
Through all of it—we’ve only grown stronger. We’re best friends. We make each other laugh. We still look forward to being together. And honestly, that’s not an accident.
We’ve learned (sometimes the hard way) what helps a relationship not just survive, but thrive—especially when life gets messy.
In this blog, I’ll share the 10 habits that keep us happy in our relationship:
- Always having each other’s backs
- Speaking each other’s love language
- Setting shared goals
- Keeping life fun and full of adventure
- Letting go of the small stuff
- Being curious instead of critical
- Creating time to connect—daily
- Growing individually, side-by-side
- Balancing responsibilities like a team
- Choosing each other, every single day
These aren’t overnight fixes—but they are choices anyone can start making today.
1. Have Each Other’s Back—Always
This is our number one. Life throws curveballs. We’ve lost a child. We’ve been broke. We’ve felt like failures. But even in our lowest moments, we never blamed each other. We became a team, not opponents.
Why it matters:
Knowing someone is truly in your corner builds emotional safety. It’s the difference between spiralling alone or rising together.
How to practice this:
- Use “we” instead of “you vs me” language
- Support each other’s dreams (even if they’re scary)
- Be each other’s safe space after a bad day
2. Learn and Speak Each Other’s Love Language
This one changed everything for us. My husband’s love language is acts of service—so when I help with the practical things, it lands as love. Mine? I feel most connected through words and touch. I need to talk things through, and I love a hug or a hand on my back while I do the dishes.
It took us a while to realise we were both trying to show love—but in our own language. Once we understood how different our needs were, we could finally make each other feel seen.
Why it matters:
It’s easy to feel unloved when your partner’s trying in ways you don’t recognise. But when you both feel filled up in your own language, everything from communication to intimacy gets better.
How to practice this:
- Take the 5 Love Languages quiz together (you might be surprised!)
- Ask: “What can I do this week that would really make you feel loved?”
- Don’t assume—check in often. You’ll probably need different things at different times.
Our tip:
I now try to show love with thoughtful actions—like making him a cup of tea, helping tick off a job, or just noticing what needs doing. And he’ll pause to check in, sit down to talk, or wrap his arms around me at just the right time. We still miss the mark sometimes, but now we know where to aim.
3. Set Shared Goals
We’ve built businesses, created an alternative education plan for our kids, and dreamed up our travels—all together. It’s never just about “his work” or “her goals.” We pull in the same direction.
Why it matters:
A shared vision gives your relationship purpose. It makes you feel like co-creators, not just co-parents or cohabiters.
How to practice this:
- Create a yearly “vision night” to plan goals
- Dream about your future often—on walks, on dates, in bed
- Support each other in personal passions that feed your shared life
4. Keep Life Fun and Full of Adventure
From jumping in rivers at sunset to dancing in the kitchen to deciding on a whim to live on a boat—we prioritise fun. Because the mundane will always exist… but joy is something we choose.
Why it matters:
Play and novelty release dopamine and oxytocin—bonding chemicals that keep romance alive. It also shows your kids that love can be lighthearted, not just dutiful.
How to practice this:
- Say yes to spontaneous things
- Turn routine into play (like turning chores into a challenge)
- Create “mini adventures” together—day trips, board games, funny challenges
5. Let Go of the Little Things
He leaves socks around. I talk too much when he’s tired. We’ve learned that if something won’t matter in five years, we don’t let it wreck five minutes.
Why it matters:
Holding onto minor annoyances creates resentment. Letting go creates space for love.
How to practice this:
- Ask yourself: “Does this really need fixing, or does it just annoy me?”
- Remember: quirks are part of the person you love
- Laugh more—seriously, it helps
6. Be Curious Instead of Critical
When one of us is off, we don’t jump to “Why are you being like that?” We’ve learned to ask, “What’s going on for you?” It changes everything.
Why it matters:
Curiosity builds connection. Criticism shuts it down.
How to practice this:
- Use open questions instead of assumptions
- Check in with “How can I help?” instead of “What’s wrong with you?”
- Practice active listening—don’t interrupt, fix, or advise unless asked
7. Create Time to Connect—Every Day
Even in the madness of parenting and business, we find small ways to reconnect. A hug in the hallway. A shared coffee. A nighttime chat. Micro-moments matter.
Why it matters:
A regular connection prevents disconnection and keeps you from becoming distant.
How to practice this:
- Schedule a 10-minute daily “us check-in”
- Turn off your phones during dinner
- Make bedtime sacred for connection (not just Netflix!)
8. Grow Individually, Side-by-Side
We don’t try to become the same person. We each do our own inner work—and bring the best of it back to the relationship. We’ve questioned our beliefs. We’ve changed careers. And we’ve celebrated those changes.
Why it matters:
Stagnation kills intimacy. Growth keeps love alive.
How to practice this:
- Read or learn something new and share it
- Support personal development—don’t fear it
- Let each other evolve without needing to control the process
9. Balance Responsibilities Like a Team
We’ve juggled homeschooling, business, chores, and kids—and sometimes the scales tip. But we always aim for fairness, not perfection.
Why it matters:
Burnout kills relationships. When both partners feel seen and supported, resentment can’t take root.
How to practice this:
- Make a weekly task plan—together
- Swap roles now and then to build empathy
- Ask each other regularly: “Do you feel supported?”
10. Choose Each Other—Every Day
This isn’t just a marriage license. It’s a daily decision. We choose to turn toward each other. We choose kindness. We choose this life.
Why it matters:
Love isn’t something you fall into and stay there. It’s something you build, brick by brick.
How to practice this:
- Say “I love you” often—and mean it
- Remember what made you fall in love in the first place
- Don’t wait for a special occasion to make them feel special
Why This Matters—for You and Your Children
Our kids are growing up in a home where love isn’t perfect—but it’s safe, fun, affectionate, and real. They’re learning how to argue with kindness. How to support someone they care about. How to find joy in everyday moments.
A happy relationship sets the tone for a happy home.
It’s not about never fighting or always agreeing. It’s about showing up, staying curious, and building something together.
And the best part? You don’t need a perfect life to have a great relationship. You just need a willingness to grow—together.
Final Thoughts: You Deserve a Love That Feels Like Home
Whether you’re 1 year in or 20 years deep—relationships are a practice, not a destination. If you’re reading this and thinking “we’ve lost some of that,” know that it’s never too late to rekindle, reconnect, and rebuild.
Start with one habit. One conversation. One small shift.
Because love—real, lasting, joyful love—isn’t a miracle. It’s a choice.
And it’s worth every second of the work.
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