Understanding Your ADHD Child: They’re a Plane, Not a Car

Ever feel like you or your child or someone you care about is wired a little differently? Maybe you can’t seem to sit still, forget the simplest instructions, or bounce between ideas without rhyme or obvious reason. Feeling frustrated or overwhelmed is easy, especially when other kids are cruising calmly through life while yours is constantly in motion.

But what if the issue isn’t you or your child… but the environment?

Keri and I didn’t realise we were neurodivergent until it was painstakingly obvious in our kids. We started recognising behaviours in ourselves that we had learned to mask whilst trying to operate in the world of schools and employment.

One of the reasons our family chose to world school (learn by exploring the world together) and build our own business was so we could discover the best environments for each of us.

Your child isn’t a faulty car, but a plane on a road built for cars?

Let’s explore that idea.

• 🚗 Cars vs. ✈️ Planes
• 🧭 Give Us the Destination, not the Directions
• 🧠 ADHD Brains Need Dopamine Like Engines Need Fuel

🚗 Cars vs. ✈️ Planes

Most people are in cars. They can drive from point A to point B, follow road signs, stop at red lights, and reverse when needed. They work well within the systems we’ve built, like school timetables, silent classrooms, and long lists of step-by-step instructions.

But a child with ADHD?

They’re not a car. They’re a plane.

Sure, a plane can drive down a road… but it’s awkward, slow, frustrating, and everyone stares, and they will most likely break something. It’s not built for that. It’s built for airspace, speed, space, and vision.

The world often judges ADHD kids for struggling with things like:

• Sitting still
• Following sequential tasks
• Remembering instructions in order

But planes were never designed to drive. They were made to fly.

Advantages of planes over cars

When a plane is trying to be a car, it’s awkward and cumbersome and a nightmare for other road users.

But when a plane gets to be a plane, it can.

• reach places others can’t
• Find new routes to destinations without being restricted to

🧭 Give Us the Destination, not the Directions

One of the biggest misunderstandings about ADHD brains is how we approach tasks.

Step-by-step instructions very rarely work. Imagine giving car directions to a plane. Asking them to go down roads. We might lose track by step two. Not because we’re lazy or not listening, but because our brains don’t work that way.

But give us a clear destination—tell us the outcome you want—and we’ll find a way to get there. Maybe not the same way others would, but it will be uniquely ours. Creative. Unpredictable. Sometimes messy. Often brilliant. Planes don’t follow roads. They chart courses through the open sky.

✈️ Momentum and the ADHD Brain: Fuel Before Flight

One of the most misunderstood traits of ADHD is momentum—or more accurately, the lack of it in certain situations. You may have seen it in your child (or yourself):

Spending hours building an elaborate Minecraft world or creating a comic series from scratch…
But struggling to start something simple, like brushing teeth or writing one sentence of homework.

Why?

Because the ADHD brain doesn’t run on discipline or routine. It runs on dopamine.

🧠 ADHD Brains Need momentum or they fall out of the sky.

Neurotypical brains have a steady, efficient dopamine system. They can start small tasks without much effort. like a car efficiently running errands. Simply putting the key in and off they go.

ADHD brains are often a result of low dopamine receptors. They only really have 5th gear. They’re more like jets. They need a lot more dopamine to get moving. Not because they’re lazy or avoiding the task, but because they don’t have the neurological fuel to initiate it.

A car can reverse, start and stop, or change direction with ease.

A jet? It needs:

• A clear destination
• A long enough runway
• And a blast of energy to take off

Without that momentum, it just sits there—engines running, potential ready—but no movement.

🚀 Why Big Projects Can Be Easier Than Small Tasks

It might seem backwards, but ADHD kids often do better with big, exciting, meaningful tasks than with basic, everyday chores. That’s because those larger projects spark interest and urgency—two key triggers for dopamine release.

So if your child can hyperfocus for hours on building something incredible, but can’t start putting their shoes on. You’re not imagining it. That’s the ADHD fuel system at work.

🔄 So What Can You Do?

Instead of asking, “Why can’t you just do it?”, try asking:

• “What would make this feel more exciting?”
• “Can we break this into a fast challenge?”
• “Do you want to race the timer?”
• “Can I give you the goal and let you figure out how to get there?”

Creating momentum rituals—like countdowns, music, movement, or gamified tasks—can help get the engine turning. And once they’re in motion. ADHD kids don’t just complete tasks—they often soar right past them with creativity, speed, and passion.

✨ Planes Were Made to Fly. Before we take off, we need to know WHY.

ADHD brains are full of potential—fast thinking, pattern spotting, humour, empathy, and imagination. However, they need the right environment to unlock all that.

Here are some ways you can support your child as they prepare for takeoff:

1. Stop Trying to “Fix” the Plane

Your child isn’t broken. You wouldn’t expect a plane to drive like a car, so don’t expect your child to learn, behave, or focus in the same way as others.

2. Build Runways, Not Roadblocks

Instead of trying to keep them on the road, create conditions for flight:

• Use visuals or outcomes instead of long instructions
• Offer choices in how they get things done
• Embrace movement, creativity, and curiosity

3. Be the Ground Crew

Planes need support. Your job isn’t to control the flight—it’s to fuel it, cheer it on, and help land it safely. Trust your child to find their own path, even if it looks different.

4. Celebrate Sky Moments

When your child finds a shortcut, invents a new idea, or connects dots others don’t even see—those are sky moments. Celebrate them. That’s the brilliance of an ADHD brain in motion.

💬 Final Thoughts

Having a plane in a world of cars isn’t always easy. It’s loud, high-energy, and unpredictable. But it’s also beautiful. It means learning to adapt, to communicate differently, to lead with trust instead of control.

So when your child zigzags where others follow the road…

Remember: they were born to fly.

And you were born to be their ground crew.