5 secret beliefs that are holding you back

 

The behaviour they cause and the fears and desires that drive them. At the end, something that might change your mind.

We all try to make sense of a crazy world. We have experiences, we take advice, we create a set of rules and beliefs that help us make decisions and keep us safe. If we didn’t we’d have to decide if the we existed before we opened our eyes each morning. We’d then be forced wonder if clothes were necessary everyday.

We like things black and white so we can file it under “sorted” and not live in existential dread.

But the world is changing some of our rules and beliefs no longer serve us or our communities.

It’s often hard to challenge these beliefs because we don’t realise we have them.

Often we question the status quo, but if we have no alternative, we tend to hold on to them all the same.

 

 

 

Here are 5 beliefs that you have internalised without realising. Challenge yourself:

  • Do you recognise the behaviors they cause in you?
  • Why do you hold on to them what’s the underlying desire or fear that fuels the belief?
  • The more you’ve internalised the belief the more each statement will annoy you. Can you explain the belief?

 

 

Belief: Time is Money. 

Behaviour:

You need ways for you (or your partner) to be able to work more hours. Perhaps to make ends meet or afford a better quality of life. 

You think the only way to make make more money is :

a: Work more

b: Make your time worth more with qualifications and experience.

If you have a family you will pay for childcare or wait for kids to start school so you can go back to work.

Perhaps you are taking on extra work. Why?

You are working to provide security for you and the ones you love. Why does this help?

What is more important: more money or more time?

Would your family benefit more from you being present, now or in 30 years?

Desire:

To give you and your family everything they need.

Fear:

No alternative, loose home, can’t eat, can’t pay bills.

Do not want to be labeled a dreamer or a layabout.

 

 

Belief: Someone else will recognise and rewarded us for working hard. 

Behavior: Working towards a promotion or better job. You second guess what someone else wants rather than being objective about achieving the best outcome for a business, the world or yourself.

You put in extra hours and effort for a boss who’s so focused on their own survival and promotion, they only notice you if you are a problem or you can benefit them. 

You spend time worrying about what people think of you. You manage and promote soundbites about yourself: eg “hard worker”, “reliable”, “team player” and try to avoid labels like, “unsocial”, “difficult”, “late”.

Desire: autonomy. A promotion would mean more time and financial freedom. More power to make decisions for yourself. Wouldn’t it be nice if you could work in a way where you can take positive action when you see a chance, without second guessing a boss who’s trying to second guess their boss? When the consequence of making mistakes is an opportunity to learn and achieve more, not be reprimanded like a child.

Fear: If you do not please the person in charge of you, you will lose your job, potential promotion or a positive reference for another job. 

 

 

 

Belief: We have no power/ agency or opportunity to make a change. 

Behavior: You wait or hope for something external in the future to make things more bearable.

You feel all you can do in the present is survive. 

You use quick escapism fixes like tv, food or drink to feel good. 

You use time off to relax and recuperate enough to face another week of anxiety and stress at work.

Desire: to have the time, money and freedom to grow and develop in a way that suits you? To explore new places, work on your relationships and have great experiences. 

Fear: That you will fail at trying something else, that you need time and money to start something of your own. You could waste both if you tried.

 

 

 

 

Belief: That simply visualising your future will make it happen.

Behavior:

You spend time visualising what your life will look like in the future? Perhaps you picture your house or your business.

You don’t have a clear vision and understanding of what you have to do today and then tomorrow to bring it about. 

You jump from one idea to another, most likely focusing on external things like equipment and brand rather than a strategy. 

You go through waves of carpet bombing CV’s and job applications in the hope that one will give you more satisfaction than your current job.

You occasionally go through bouts of lottery.

You are often in a grey area, you feel anxious about not working. But when you do work you jump from one thing to another. You don’t commit.

You often making impulse purchases and decisions.

Eventually this leads to anxiety and self doubt and most probably debt and some bad decisions

Desire:

To have certainty that you are taking the right action everyday towards a positive future, that you can be clear about the days task and then be free to focus on the things that really matter.

Fear:

That you are wasting your time and that others will laugh at you for trying.

 

 

 

 

Belief: That your financial and self worth is limited by your qualifications and experience.

Behaviour:

you can use it as an excuse not to apply for jobs that excite you or start a business. You use it as an excuse to put a spouse, friend or family member forward for a job or task that realistically they are no better qualified than you and miss out on an opportunity to learn. Fear of failure often keeps people in their comfort zone but never taking them to where they want to be.

Desire:

to be recognised for something truly inline with their values to leave a legacy.

Fear:

Failure, that you need something more than your own self belief to qualify you to try something. You require validation from someone else.

 

 

 

 

 

Belief: Money is the root of all evil, desiring or pursuing it is greedy and selfish.

Behavior:

You look down on people who have lots of it and assume that it can only be achieved or gained by ill gotten means. You see money as a consequence of resources, human or natural, being capitalised.

Desire:

To not be a slave to money, to needing it to pay for somewhere to live, or eat or travel.

Fear:

That you will compromise yourself by seeking money, that you will not be doing the world a service.

 

 

 

 

 

So what do we do about it?

By this point I bet you’re primed to tear me apart in the comments, please do I would love to get some more insight. 

However before you do let me ask you a question. 

How do you think I got this information? 

Am I an expert on psychology? definitely not, I think i have a C grade As Level somewhere

Did I do a big survey and collate 100’s of people’s honest answers? nope

Have I just made some assumptions and posted my opinions as facts? yeah a little bit.

The truth is what i’ve written has either really hit home with you or feels completely irrelevant. Everyone is different. 

If this made no sense and you’re completely happy with where you are in life then fantastic, please may I interview you? I know I and many others want to know your secrets.

If some or all of what I’ve written hit home then welcome, you have found a soul brother.

What you have just read is simply my own beliefs, behaviors, desires and fears. It’s taken me time to come to terms with it. I’ve reflected on them and distilled them down to their simplest form.

Especially the last one, it took me a long time to come to terms with my love hate relationship with money.

All I’ve done is changed “I” to “you”, with the knowledge that I’ve been as honest with myself as I’m cable of at the moment and that other people must feel the same.

The internet is an incredible tool, this is simply an experiment based on two hypotheses.

Hypothesis A: There are so many people using the internet that content that is relevant to you will find its way to you or you to it. 

Whether a friend recognises something that would appeal to you sense of humor and sends you a meme, 

Perhaps you search directly for what you are seeking, or perhaps you search for things that are symptomatic of something deeper.

Perhaps an algorithm recognises a pattern of behavior, where for lots of people searching for “A” ended up purchasing “X”

Hypothesis B: That Deep down most of us share the same beliefs. Behaviours, desires and fears. 

I really struggled with these beliefs for along time. Even when I was younger I wanted to grow up and live in the woods.

As I grew up I realised this wasn’t possible as most woods (in the uk) are privately owned, to small, or lacking enough biodiversity to support one person.

As I got older my priorities changed as I wanted to support my family.

 It felt like the above beliefs were beaten into me by life.

Just as I was about to give in and spend my life working a job that just about let me survive and support a family without compromising on my values too much. I found some people who had managed to make money meaningless by breaking the link between time and money. 

I’ve never wanted money, the things I like doing are free, however admittedly as I get older I like doing them and going for a nice coffee after.

Now I have a family I find it harder to couch surf or wild camp out of site of land owners and passers by.

Also I have a mortgage to pay each month.

There is an undeniable widening gap between the bohemian wild man I see myself as and the 30 something dad, who’s gone full dad bod, working an ok job, who should probably redo the kitchen at some point but doesn’t really have the expertise or aptitude.

As a self proclaimed outdoorsman I’ve always avoided technology but it keeps finding it’s way into my life.

What i want you to do is watch 4 video’s from SFM. They give you a basic understanding of different ways you can make money online.

Stuart explains it far better than I can. What I can do is offer you a safe space to be a bit weird and wackey about what your business might look like. whether it can be a force for good. let’s talk ethics, the good life and putting the worlds to rights.

Pop your email in the box below, and no I’m not going to sell your data, or hack your mainframe, I can just about put up a blog post.

I will send you the videos one after the other then some other thoughts from me and my lady wife about, how, what, who, where, when and why we’re using the few hours we get between jobs and raising kids to have a punt at a life {insert own clieche}.

Any way it’s late and this is getting weird.

like i say put your name and email in and we can chat about if this is nuts or not….